When my mom left my dad, there was a day my mom was picking me up. This was the late 80s/early 90s. She was wearing a sweatshirt from the clothing brand “BUM”. For those of you who are younger, you might be able to find pictures of your grandparents wearing clothing with the word “BUM” written in a basic font across their chest. This was for a very short time, a very popular brand that nobody questioned why it was called “BUM”.

So, my mom is wearing that sweatshirt. My mom has recently left my dad, and my dad is in a very negative head space where he just wants to belittle and insult my mom any way that he can. Shocking she’d ever leave him, I know. But his comment was "Oh yeah? You wearing that BUM sweatshirt? You know what BUM means? Black Urban Male! Your sweatshirt makes you a black man!

My dad was/is a pretty racist person. There’s a reason he has no friends, and his only child (me) doesn’t even really talk to him. He’s all alone now. Let that be a lesson to everybody. Don’t be a racist. Nobody likes racists.

To be fair…letters can be toilet paper. Especially bills.

I’m American. My grandpa was American. After my grandma died, he remarried a British woman.

One time when I was 7, she asked if I wanted pudding with dinner. As a kid I said YES!!! I didn’t even ask what flavor. Chocolate. Vanilla. Tapioca. Banana. Fuck it. I don’t care. You offered pudding, and a fat kids answer is always yes. No further questions needed.

Well, we have this meal with meat and gravy, and potatos, and a biscuit. It was all very good.

But then dinner was over.

And I’m waiting.

Everyone is leaving the table. They’re acting like the meal is over.

Haaaaaaaaang on.

“Um…excuse me…is the pudding ready?”

“Oh. You want another pudding? I think we have some more.”

“…more?”

And then she hands me a teacup plate with another biscuit.

“I mean…ok. I’ll eat this too, but where is the pudding?”

“Dear, this IS your pudding!”

long silence as I realize there is no pudding

“This is why everyone besides papa doesn’t like you.”

42 now. I stand by what I said. You don’t tease a fat kid with sweets, and then give glorified bread.

In general I liked her. I was the only one who did.

In that moment though??? She was dead to me.

The

Bart

The

“Well hello there. I am dog. Allow me to show you around.”

YOUR GENITALIA!!!

That’s TERRIBLE advice! Gay people can be gay and thats petfectly healthy!

But being happy? In THIS world??? Theres something not right about that…

I want to snuggle your cat!

I might actually buy it if it has that.

It only costs 6 arms and 12 legs. Just go out there and start chopping limbs!

…strange that Sony structured their pricing model that way.

Hell, at this point, I don’t even see that as absurdist humor. It might be very real.

…for you to poop on?

Actually, no. He’d probably get off on that.

Nazi?

Calling BraveLittleHitatchiWand!

No no no. Here’s what we do.

Step 1: have them on as guests for The Late Show with Steven Colbert.

Step 2: They should kiss. Like…a lot.

There is no step 3. It might be true that we’re trying to accomplish different things.

I wonder if we’ll ever from these guys Stephen Jobs and Steven Wozniak ever again. Can’t even afford a microcomputer, so I’m guessing not.

Fuck I hare cars.

Hey man! Don’t throw innocent hares at cars! That’s mean!

My arguement is they sell TVs at a loss, expecting to make it up with my data.

But they don’t sell any TVs that DON’T do that.

I’d easily pay $20,000 for a 200 inch dumb tv at 8k, BUT THAT DOESN’T EXIST!!!

So I have to make due with a dumb projector.

If Lemmy had a repost like twitter does with retweets, I would do that.

Is there a way I can repost this from mastodon?

pets the kitty