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I was in the same place as you a few years ago - I liked swarm, and was a bit intimidated by kubernetes - so I’d encourage you to take a stab at kubernetes. Everything you like about swam kubernetes does better, and tools like k3s make it super simple to get set up. There _is& a learning curve, but I’d say it’s worth it. Swarm is more or less a dead end tech at this point, and there are a lot more resources about kubernetes out there.
I think there are few overlapping things here that are probably worth pulling apart. Keep in mind that all of these are spectrums, some people might experience these acutely, others mildly, others not at all.
I guess my point is that there are plenty of people who engage in small non-conformances or who feel like their experience of being man doesn’t 100% line up with how society perceives men, and that’s valid, and is a trans experience, but doesn’t mean that they do or should feel like “trans” is a label or identity that applies to them. In the same way that you can understand that you are a little bit bi, without that being a significant part of your identity