May pinuntahan ako na maliit na condo unit tapos mag jowa sila. Hindi ko alam paano nila natitiis ganun kaliit na space for two people. I think I’d be sick of my partner with that limited space.
I realised na ayaw ko ng ganun for myself in the future. It will probably feel suffocating at some point, na-imagine ko na.
Mukhang di naman halata na malungkot ako. For the first time, I’d like to keep it that way. It’s a pain to explain. I think the older I get, the more I get tired of trying to communicate myself. Parang nasasayang lang yung effort ko i-explain yung sarili ko either way.
Bahala na sila.
potential crush: dominate me
Pause lang, I am shookt. Nag short circuit na nga hahahhaa
I think I am now developing ✨a legit crush✨ sa kausap ko. We were talking about history tapos nararamdaman ko unti-unti bumabagal yung reply nya kasi inaaral niya na yung pinag-uusapan namin 😂 tapos nag-uupdate sa mga findings niya
I must be crazy because I just found it so hot HAHAHA. Pink alert, this could potentially blow up into a full blown crush. Last time I even remotely felt this way was in college.
Am I going to make a move? Oh, we are definitely going to move. I don’t want to get ahead of myself tho, we still need to do routine character checks. Plus I have my ways of getting close with my crushes. Ay. Hahaha.
I wanna manifest it so hard sana magustuhan niya rin ako or even feel some sort of attraction. 😤 There is still a part of me that doubts my likeability so… I don’t want it to be a me problem 😭 lord. Untugin niyo talaga ako kapag may gagawin akong katangahan.
Out of habit, I clicked my tongue at a random dog while outside. Nagulat ako may biglang tumalon sakin pagkatapos 😂 I thought I was getting mugged or something. Doggie then howled at me. Sorry na, wala akong treat.
All these animals jumping at me. Ano kayang meron.
Si friend ay nagrereklemo na naman sa mga lalaki niya, I’m already so confused which one friend is complaining about 💀 (pero ex pa din talaga nasa isip niya)
I did suggest maybe i-enjoy niya muna ang worry-free life without relationship problems pero parang mas nangingibabaw pa rin ang kanyang fear of being alone forever.
Idk how to help friend, pagod na rin ako lol. Ako naman I am sort of back in dating mode pero talagang dahan-dahan lang. I have limited energy for people, after all. Hindi ko talaga 'to priority, I’m just doing this on the side, malay mo lang ganun.
I had two glasses of light wine with lunch. It was interesting. Feeling italian chz. I feel like going to restos and being like, ‘so which wine does this dish best pair with?’ and small talk with the waiter hahahaha. You can never go wrong with asking for suggestions, after all.
Sinabayan ko ng greek yogurt (sponsored ni lola) yung adobo kanina. Ang savory, lakas maka-Mediterranean 😆 natuwa ako sa pinaggagawa ko hahaha.
I was handling an elderly tapos yung pustiso niya keeps falling out from his mouth 😭 I’m sorry but it was really funny para akong nanonood ng slapstick comedy 😩 it’s even funnier to me because I really went up close and personal sa pustiso niya as it kept getting in the way
Syempre di ko siya tinatawanan, gotta keep that face neutral as much as possible. When I was all alone tho… nilabas ko talaga ang tawa ko hdhsksmsm
Natandaan ko yung lolo ko tuloy, nung bata ako natatakot pa ako sa pustiso niya lalo na kapag hindi niya suot tapos nakalagay lang dyan sa tabi. Good times.
I was working out my arms, and I actually found myself admiring them this time. I see progress! Obviously I still have a long way to go, but you know, they just feel and look less flimsy/flabby now. I even admired my shoulders a bit.
I feel so vain 😆 but I feel great. You’re looking better, self. Siguro yung low-key embarrassment ko na lang ay aking cute na tiyan. Bloating period ko pa naman this week.
Gusto ko ba ng abs? I dunno. Kung magkaroon, edi magkaroon. I just want amazing core strength 😩 having some cushion on the tummy is actually nice, it’s soft and huggable.
May batas?? Di ko alam yun ah. How would they enforce that kung ang dami din nanglilimos in the first place.
Hindi naman talaga ako nagbibigay ng pera, food lang din kapag may baon na sobra.
May dala akong pizza tapos may batang nanglilimos. Binuksan ko yung pizza box at sinabing, gusto mo? Kuha ka. Barya na lang daw. Edi okay. Wala akong barya.
I got a bit offended, which sounds stupid, I know. Is my pizza not good enough for you? Chz.
Yung isa naman, I lost my wallet and I need money, can you help me? Speaking in good english pa siya. I already know that modus, dude. You’re not the first one to say those lines. Punta ka sa pulis at sa kanila ka umutang so you owe them one. No, I’m not giving you my stupid fucking number 🙄
Kaya ayaw ko na din mamansin eh. The list of types of people to avoid grows every day.
Friend and I were talking about work at natatawa siya because it was like I was hoping for the company’s downfall. Did I sound like that? Whoopsie. 😆 I’m just saying, it really is about to go down and I’m gonna enjoy the show.
Of course, I can only talk like that kasi siya kausap ko. If it was any random person (or job interview) syempre I’d be more careful and neutral. Si coworker kapag pinag-uusapan 'to nasasayangan siya, and nakiki-sympathize ako. May downside naman kasi, ako lang talaga ay tapos na dito deep inside. Nakapag move on na ako.
I do like my job, just maybe not the company. I’m still surprised I lasted this long.
Parang gusto ko lumabas ng bahay today but at the same time ayaw ko gumastos. Gusto ko mag mibf and I wanna buy my cookies. Or go to timezone or mag gym or skate. All of which require spending 🤑
May pakain sa probinsya tapos mukhang excited si kapatid kasi iluluto daw sa harap yung dish ganun. I guess it’s a performance thing? Mababa ang expectations ko, I’m just there for the food, performative tricks don’t really do it for me.
Kaya ganito ako kasi bumibili naman ako dun sa buy 1 take 1 burger at okay naman. Panget ko mag-compare 😂 wag na lang patagalin kapag gutom is what I’m saying lol
Well, the lolos and lolas need some entertainment, I guess. Hindi naman ako yung magbabayad. Whatever. Thank you for the food.
May pagkain sa work tapos sabi ko patikim. Si coworker naman binigyan ako susubuan pa ako 😂 mga 3 seconds ko din siyang tinitigan kasi nag-decide pa ako kung kakainin ko ba o hindi ba weird hahaha.
I decided against it kasi ang laki nga naman ng serving na isusubo niya sakin. Pero kung tama lang yung amount na binigay sakin mag-iisip pa rin ako ng 3 seconds then I’d shrug and just go for it.
Tapos nung nilagay na sa baunan ko hindi na tikim yung serving, whole ass meal na. Naloka ako. It was a funny moment.
Hshshshs probably
I heated my last piece of fave cookie tapos natagalan sa microwave at 🔥nasunog🔥
Damn it. I’m seriously rationing my cookie supply kasi mahal at matamis siya. I found out 3 big cookies can last me for a week. It’s tasty enough that you don’t really want to eat it in one sitting.
Another thing I learned: luh, di naman gumagana yung smoke detector dito eh, medyo nahiya ako sa amount of smoke & smell produced. RIP cookie 😭
Tonight’s thoughts: litong-lito na ako kung anong gagawin ko sa non-existent love life ko.
I wanna get out there but at the same time, may oras ba ako? Kaya ba ng sched? Kailangan ko din ng matinding me time? Ready na ba uli ako gumastos for dates? Ayaw ko lumandi ng walang pera, sabihin pa gusto ko lang ng libre.
May energy ba ako? What if we could’ve clicked kaso kulang ako ng energy kaya hindi ko siya na-amaze with my conversational skills (chz)?
What if hindi na naman 'to mag workout dahil napagod ako because I’m not very good at talking every day and I need a day or days where my inbox is just quiet and not demanding? Maiintindihan niya ba yun? It’s not that I’m not interested, my energy is just very limited 😮💨
And so, it’s far easier to read a book. Natapos ko na The Exorcist. May sequel pala yung book and movie and showing siya next month? Absolutely perfect timing, imma watch then 🤩
Next book: Red Dragon.
Gusto ko makikain sa pagkain nung coworkers ko kaso nung nakita ko yung sangkap nila I felt myself backing out. Sweet spaghetti na may sweet sauce na nga, evaporada milk tapos extra asukal pa. Idk dessert na ata yan gurl
Ngayon ko lang nalaman yung iba pala naglalagay pati condensed milk sa spag nila. Basta I felt horrified at the amount of sugar. Kung pipili ako ng source of sugar, I choose my favourite cookies. Ayun na. I don’t need extra sugar from my usual food.
Masaya na ako sa tofu vegetable combo ko. Bumili ako ng 2 blocks of tofu and it was bigger than expected 🤤
I need more protein.
Kinain na ng sistema 🙈 hahaha. Malapit na ako magpahinga ng mahaba, nararamdaman ko na
Hay may i-ccharge sakin dahil may mali ako. How do I feel about this now compared to x months ago? As long as di umabot ng thousands I’m not gonna hyperventilate over it. And trust me, I’m keeping track. May threshold rin naman ako.
Medyo nasasanay na ako on incurring losses, whether it’s work-related or not. I feel like a gambler na iniisip na they can earn it back anyway. Not that I would know. Feeling ko lang that’s how they would feel.
At first I was upset about it, like any normal employee. Then I started doing my calculations and considering some things and I’ve concluded that it’s not worth crying over. Hindi pa oras makipag-break chz
That’s my character development, I guess. I’m not really sure if that’s disappointing or not. I feel less emotional and less reactive. Of course, I still believe stuff like that shouldn’t be shouldered by the employee esp if you consider yung sahod nila.
Basta ayun, I just gotta persist and hopefully may bumunga na nakakatuwa in a month or two 🤔 kapag hindi ako natuwa edi move on to the next 🤷♀️ I’ve placed my bets anyway.
You win some, you lose some. I’m going to win eventually.
I want to wear his initial on a chain 'round my neck, chain 'round my neck Not because he owns me but 'cause he really knows me
Ramdam ko yung boredom ko sa work kapag mag-isa lang. I end up reading a book or trying to study. Wow, so productive 😆
And when I don’t feel like being productive I’m gonna chat up some random guy from some random dating app just to experiment on what it feels like to hit someone up just because they’re bored. coughs (I usually do things with purpose)
Next time try ko ako unang mag good morning kumain ka na ba eme first just to see how stereotypical we can get. Flirt like a straight man whomst? HAHA.
Feeling ko naglalaro na lang ako. One day I will get tired of it and I’ll say stuff like, “I’m ready to settle down,” like a bachelor that doesn’t want to be a bachelor anymore lol. I do not care much for my biological ticking clock as a woman, it’s fine if I don’t have kids na kadugo ko.
Heck, if I get married in my 40s, 50s or older that’s fine as long as it’s with the right person. Ayun, random midnight thoughts.