Subjective, but this is what it looks like for me.

I’ve lived in Maryland, liked it for education, work, proximity to DC, NY, fairly friendly people, lots to do between DC and Baltimore. Didn’t like it for weather (not a fan of snow), Baltimore has some parts that are sketchy, though not personally affected, I hated the idea that someone could, and I had my car broken into once.

Texas. Enjoyed the weather tremendously, really enjoyed the food, in urban settings people were pretty friendly, enjoyed driving down to Galveston, Jamaica Beach, Surfside beach, Kemah, Seabrook, you get the idea, I like beaches. Didn’t like it for education, dang, raw deal for kids in Texas, politics and religion in some settings, and perpetual road construction. Also, among the people I was hanging out with, there was a drinking culture I did not appreciate. Not that I’m judging, but people really drink in Texas and DUIs did not seem such a big deal. So in my mind, my generalization is drunks.

Future (currently aligning) looks like California, likely around LA or San Diego if I get this put together. Why? The beach of course, weather, education, farming and opportunities in certain fields I work in. My concern, cost (there is a certain X ratio against my current I am willing to tolerate), materialistic culture, and crime. That being said, it could also mean a split between California and New York if things go as I hope. NY would be a mostly professional, and occasional cultural thing. I weirdly enjoy big cities in the summer.

Future future, assuming I hit certain financial goals, Hawaii, more specifically Maui or Big Island. Again, beach, weather, by then education will not be a concerning factor, and farming.

Thanks.

I have received so much awful information over the phone, I get anxious when my phone rings or a text arrives. I am hoping to get to the day where I don’t need it in my life.

Because he pinky promised and didn’t have his fingers crossed.

From what I’ve experienced, I’d say being with the kids has been far more easier. I don’t have limited experience with difficult people, I have a crap load of experience dealing with difficult people. I’ve lived that life, and I am not going back. Yes, I get that kids would not be a “divorce” away, and I am ok with that. I was a kid too, and maybe I’ve been an asshole, but I have never woken up intending to hurt or trick someone. Neither do these kids so far, outside of trying to get candy and going for movie nights.

I’m not being unreasonable, but here we are, so let me make this easy.

moving to California… coming to an end…

The guardianship is ending cause the legal processes around the welfare of the children is coming to an end, around the time my legal issue is expected to end. Two separate legal processes. The children are my niece and two nephews. However, remember that all I wanted to know was how this process of becoming a dad with a donor situation could potentially work. I did not expect this would morph into all of this.

Turning 45. I used to avoid the dishwasher like the plague, now, its the last thing I do before I go to sleep. I can’t imagine dirty dishes around me, a far cry from me and roaches not too long ago. I would ask for you to attempt fostering. It heals people. Its the best therapy you can get.

Its weird, because yes, my headspace has been forced to improve. I have grown up in ways I can’t explain. Having them forced me to reevaluate myself, cleaned up my diet, stopped drinking, lost about 55 pounds, started working steadily, dealt and is still confronting my legal stuff that I run away from for long, just major improvements, and I became a better version of myself. I’m not doing this because of emotional attachment, but because the better version of me wants to be a dad. Its as simple as that. A lot of people here have judged me in ways I can’t even begin to explain, but it is the internet so, no surprises there. Nonetheless, this is the next step in my life I am excited to embrace. If I am going to put effort in any form of a familial relationship, then kids all the way, raise them, educate them, hopefully be a better role model than I got, and be a better man.

Thanks for the best wishes.

I am a guardian. That arrangement is coming to an end. It was meant to be temporary, and that is now happening. I am moving to a different state across the country once that comes to an end. This is what I am thinking after ending this part of my life. I hope you explore the rest of the post to learn more.

I think you need to read through the rest of the posts. You are missing quite a bit.

I’m raising a 13 yr old girl, a 12 yr old boy and a 9 yr old boy. I’ve been with them on/off since all of them were in diapers, and I’ve been full contact with them going 4 years now. We are doing good.

I’m already raising 3 kids.

I get where kids come from. I’ve been raising 3 for the last couple of years. I also get where grownups come from. Its the intent. Kids say hurtful things and lash out, I’ve dealt with that. Grownups should know better than shit on a compliment, or suck someone down with their crap, or be unfaithful. Past the age of majority, yeah, you should own and carry your bag. Excuses should be out of the window. Oh, and if you read my previous post, those were 3 exes, not 1.

Thanks. I hope to do this in California if my plans come to fruition. Raising these kids, yeah, I’ve learnt a lot about them, and myself. I’m terribly far from being perfect with them, but as you mentioned, reading to them, loving them and eating with them happens pretty often and works. Once they feel safe, are well fed and nurtured, and entertained, they are pretty cool kids.

I have been thinking about this for two years, but I was pretty scared to go beyond thinking because in my own society, there is social stigma around this. But I’m done with all that. I will be judged for being single, I will be judged for being a single father, I will be judged for being a divorced father, I will always be judged. I’m over that. I just want my life, and a family, and if this is how it happens, so be it.

Thanks. If all goes as I hope, I will be moving to California next summer which is when I intend to pursue this.

Example conversation

Me to my niece: I like the little bow on your hair.

My niece: Thanks uncle N. I want a pink one for my birthday. Don’t forget.

Me to my ex: I like the little bow on your hair.

My ex: What are you trying to say? I’m a slut? Fuck you. Who do you think you are talking to?

No, I am not kidding. She had a complicated relationship with herself, alcohol, her employer and her landlord. The previous one cheated and got pregnant, other one enabled my terrible habits and left me after I went sober and clean. I’m not expecting the exact same response but getting insulted for complimenting someone is a pain. Maybe its my choice of people, maybe its something I do or say, but I know what is working for me, hence how we got here.

I wanted to be a husband and a full time dad. I’ve tried step 1 and it did not go well. Does that mean I don’t qualify for step 2? Also, there are kids who wake up in a two parent home and end up in a single parent home, or in the foster system, or homeless. Doesn’t always work out as one intends, best foot forward is the next best alternate in my books.

Yeah, I expect something like that.

I’m already helping raise 3 kids and have been doing so for years. My dynamic is changing, and since I’m going solo, this is one future I want to explore and try make happen.

I also did the soccer team thing, we never won a single game this season, dang. Cleats and shinguards for growing kids pile up quick.

Probable. Likely.