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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 26th, 2023

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  • When I was a kid, I was taught never to hit someone unless they hit me first. There were, of course, exceptions. Is someone hitting your brother? You’d better bust his nose. I did that too. I did it and I faced the consequences, whatever they were.

    Do we still have the ability to act without violence? We shouldn’t be violent if the answer is still yes. But, we’re animals who were born from the chaos of a violent and terrifying world. Our ancestors had to outrun predators and enemies at least long enough to reproduce or we wouldn’t be here, and that is written in our blood as far back as we can see in time.

    It is in every one of us to take things to extremes. Our ancestors done it over and over again, and under the right circumstances any one of us would stand over our enemy, covered in blood, breathing and smiling like a chimpanzee with the bloodied corpse of his former foraging mate at his feet.

    It is in our nature to identify with one group or another, and as we become more connected, all of the splintered groups that the world had before are forming into two large consolidated groups. What really makes me sad is that I don’t think there is a permanent solution. That makes me wonder if violence is even worth it, again, when there are still ways to solve problems without violence.

    If we colonized another planet right now with likeminded people and built a perfect system of government, it wouldn’t take very long for our humanity to get in the way of it. Someone would always be convinced, and then convince others, that they could do it better. Their identity would get lost in the group and then war would be inevitable.

    Violence is a temporary solution. You kill your enemy and then wait for your new enemy to come. That is what I see in history, and I’m very thankful that I live in a time and place where violence doesn’t have to be a part of my life. I spent the first 17 years of my life in violence, and ultimately violence was what brought it all to an end. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss seeing that wild look in the eyes of men. I don’t like seeing people become animals.

    I believe that we can still solve it without becoming monsters.

    Of course, I didn’t forget what I just read. I have seen the incrementalism here and I realize that things that would have seemed absurd 10 years ago are just par for the course now. We still have good people in the right places. I’m not a religious man, but as a father of small children, I pray that they succeed over the next four years and that things will ultimately go back to normal.

    COVID threw a lot of people off. It made a lot of things excusable that wouldn’t have been in any other time. We’re still not really past all of that.

    I just hope that people don’t turn to violence. I have lived in that world and it is very, very, very ugly.

    If it does ever come to that, I hope that the people who push for it with words have the balls to get out there and crawl around in it. I hope that they aren’t just sitting around inspiring that in other people.

    I don’t know. I’ve got a lot more to say but I have a lot to do today.

    Let’s be good people while we can and pray that we don’t have to be anything else. Too many people have been pecked to the bone by vultures and crows throughout our history. If we don’t have to litter the world with corpses, let’s not. Please.



  • Yeah that ain’t me. I live deep in the Appalachian mountains and driving anything but a 4x4 here would 100% result in being trapped in the winter.

    Well, not so bad these days I guess with the lack of snow compared to the years before.

    Still though, I can’t imagine crossing these mountains in the winter with anything but a 4x4. As a matter of fact, I was stuck multiple times back before I got one. I slept crashed against a guardrail in a 2001 Grand AM one night in 2008. Fortunately I had filled the car up at the bottom of the mountain and I was able to keep warm.

    My stepdad came looking for me around 5 AM when my ex woke up and realized I wasn’t home. He pulled me out and I slowly took the car back down the mountain and parked it at that store.

    I didn’t have a cell phone back the man. Wouldn’t matter today though. There’s still no cell service from the top of that mountain to 40 miles out from it.


  • I didn’t. It was a gift. It has been an amazing car though.

    I had nothing but bad luck all if my life, buying beaters that barely moved, weren’t safe, and left me stranded constantly. I walked to work and begged for rides constantly. I had to walk 4 hours down a mountain on the way, 4 hours up a mountain on the way back. Most of the time I’d get lucky and someone would pick me up once I got around the 2 hour mark and walked into civilization.

    I’m dirt poor. I’ve spent a lot of years in that struggle.

    Would you believe that I haven’t paid a penny for any of the vehicles I own right now? I just had a pile of good luck. Some of it was good luck that came from bad things, like a friend of mine passing away and leaving me his car.

    I will say though. I absolutely love the X5. It has been the most reliable and most comfortable car I’ve ever owned.


  • Less shit to work on with the 1991. I have a 2003 BMW X5 and holy shit it blows my mind how many crazy computer parts it has. It’s the base model with the manual transmission too.

    It just recently started falling apart on me after many years of driving it. All at once the heat and AC stopped working, the windows fell down into the doors (no shit, all of them in just a few weeks).

    It’s been a damn good car though, and I might get 10 more good years out of it once I fix all of this stuff.

    I don’t know what they do differently at BMW, but that car is parked on the grass (for at least 5 years this coming February) and still has the original exhaust. Isn’t that crazy?



  • Yeah because a magic border makes it so that things don’t affect all of us. Isn’t that wonderful?

    I legit don’t understand how anyone can think so small.

    If a fire starts in a city where everyone has your attitude, how long before it all burns down?

    Whether we like it or not, borders aren’t magical lines that protect us from the damage done behind one of those lines. Humanity is responsible for the wellbeing of humanity. No silly little line is going to change that.

    Imagine the consequences we’d still be suffering (yes, we. All of us) if the US hadn’t joined in WWII.

    I honestly don’t understand how anyone can think of their fellow humans as parasites. We’re all in this together. One big ego with enough support can destroy all of our lives and throw us back into the dark ages.

    We have thousands of years of history to guide us. Look into it.











  • My ex. Jesus Christ man.

    She moved in and adopted my whole personality. Naturally, her own personality was fighting to surface and a person can’t bury who they are forever.

    After more than a decade, she just lost it. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced, and you’re spot on about it fucking up trust in other people. It doesn’t have to, but it does take work.

    In the middle of the chaos that was the collapse of my entire life, I remember one line from a letter she wrote me. “I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. I know that’s probably hard for you to read.”

    She had BPD too, so for three years, one moment I was god, the next she was sitting up in the bed at the end of an overall great day and saying, “I’m sorry. I just don’t love you anymore.”

    She wanted nothing to do with me until I found someone else. She lost her damn mind, tried to kill herself, ended up hospitalized for mental health. That got her family involved and we had to fight them for our kid in court. It’s crazy how easy it is for a family member to kidnap your child. They told the magistrate that I held my family hostage with a knife, got a restraining order, and I just had to wait until court knowing that our daughter was scared to death and living through a nightmare on top of a nightmare.

    Somehow, the woman I’m with survived all of that chaos with me. I figured she’d get tired of me driving out in the middle of the night over and over again to make sure my ex didn’t actually hurt herself.

    Once she got to be herself though, she was alright. She met someone more like her. She went from laying in bed all the time hating herself and her life to taking care of things that she couldn’t before. She never got a drivers license and she was finally able to do that. She never cleaned and when I worked a lot our place was trashed, but her last place was immaculate. Poor girl died of breast cancer 4 years after we split. I wish she had left me years before honestly, so she’d have had a chance to really live.

    Life is a mess. Some people do make it hard to trust other people, but we have to carry on and do our best. We’ve gotta work so that problem isn’t everyone else’s problem.

    I have done my best to keep from carrying all that baggage into the relationship I’m in. I do my best to encourage her to just be herself. We get one short life, and I don’t want to have a hand in ruining it for anyone. Go see your friends, go be with your family. Don’t sit here alone because I do. Keep building your life outside of me. Maintain something of the world you lived in before you moved to ours.

    Sorry for the book. I guess I needed to spit it out of my head again. I could write on this topic for several years straight and I still wouldn’t run out of shit to say about it. :p