What a ridiculous lawsuit. The tenant should get $200 million and get to pull the rope that releases the landlord’s guillotine. Also, should get to flick the match that burns down the apartment complex.

I don’t fuck around with roaches.

At least you’ll never have to deal with frame realignment after a crash

I know my mom wasn’t a human being. She was an angel! Except for when she was abusing me horrifically. What do you call some sort of bipedal mammal that exists between heaven and hell and can destroy me with one sentence?

"I’M NOT WILLING TO FIGHT YOU! I’LL KILL YOU FOR DECLARING BATTLE!

Was that before or after she threw away all of the M&Ms with Ws on them?

Oh yeah? Then why am I always angry at everyone all the time?!

Boom. Scienced!

\s

What’s unfortunate about it? Dude looks like Miles Davis to me

Is there some possibility you’re fibbing?

Saaaaatan I got your number
I need to make you mine
Saaaaatan don’t change your number
Scribe 6-6-6 for a real good tiiiiiime

Remember when Obama failed to stop hurricane Katrina?

I’m assuming their statement was meant to parallel this idiot thing that people started saying during Trump’s presidency

It’s really easy to tell the difference. The jellyfish is the one that hurts you immediately when you try to swallow it and the plastic bag is the one that causes problems in 1.5-3 minutes with catastrophic problems around 10 minutes.

Are you suggesting that we should burn down companies and factories? Cuz I’d never agree to meet you at a specific time and place so that we could disassemble the means of production and effectively delete entire toxic cogs of the economy.

In fact, tell me precisely where and when you plan on meeting so that I can definitely avoid you.

Holy shit. Most people I know who have lived in Lubbock left because “it’s too small of a city and everyone knows your business.”

I’d still chalk that up as a “pro” in the column for “life achievements.”

If you’d said that there’s a woman in Abilene who trusted you implicitly, I’d question our currently questionable friendship

Been to Abilene—had a bad time. Wouldn’t recommend it. Story seems pretty par for the course.

Let’s say your mom needs chemo treatments and can’t drive herself. You wanna be good to your mom and drive her, but she’s recently developed a behavior from the stress and medication that when she’s in a car with someone, she fights with the driver trying to grab the steering wheel and aim the car at pedestrians.

It’s not her fault that she’s developed this behavior, but you’d think she could at least control herself and stop trying to run over pedestrians, but she says she doesn’t want to. Technically, since you’re driving, you could convince the police that you’re actually the one trying to commit vehicular manslaughter, so while you could deflect the blame, you really know it’s her own fault.

You could also physically restrain your mom, except for all those pesky elder-abuse laws and what kind of person would do that to their mother anyway?

So, what are you gonna do? Will you be a complicit party to your mom’s desire to see pedestrians run over, or will you stop letting her into your car and let her ride the train and bus like an adult? Remember, she’s dying from cancer, but lots of other people experience intrusive thoughts without acting on them and lots of other people don’t have family to support them but still manage just fine.

So, what’s your answer? Support your mom and tell her it’s okay to try killing/hurting people, or let her figure things out for herself and hope that she comes to her senses? She could always prove to you that she realized her behavior was wrong and that she’s ready to ride in the car with you.

And don’t worry, no matter what you answer, I’m still going to call you an asshole, because that’s how reductive internet trolls work. Cuz “fuck you, this is your mom, damn,” and “it’s just simple defensive driving.”

Couldn’t beer further from the truth. Son, I am not disappoint

No worries. I’ve never been more proud of you

Only one, but he’s considering eating a second one for an afternoon snack