It cares me dick. (Spanish)

A few others from french :

J’en parlerai à mon cheval (I’ll make sure to tell my horse)
Parle à mon cul, ma tête est malade (Talk to my ass, my head is sick/ill)
Je m’en tamponne le coquillard (no idea how to translate this, but here is a fun explainer, also in french)

It naps on my dick. (Bulgaria)

It sucks me (as in fellatio) an egg (testicle).

It sucks my dick.

I care a crow’s nest (as in ships)

I care a turd.

I care a shit.

(Spanish again, we are creative people, as someone pointed out, the New World is way more colorful than Spain)

Not my circus, not my monkeys. (English)

Like water on a goose - Swedish

Just thought of one that takes a bit of explanation. In Swedish, much like German, words are joined to create longer words. Such as smörgåsbord(sandwich table). The smurfs in Swedish are therefore called gammelsmurfen (old smurf), "anything"smurfen. Because of this, people jokingly say “intressesmurfen antecknar” ( interest smurf is taking notes) to indicate that they don’t care about what somebody is saying

Layeth thine eyes upon my field of fucks and behold that it is barren.

“I shit on it!” (“Szarok rá!”) - in Hungarian.

Besides that just “I don’t care.” (“Nem érdekel.”)

Maybe “Not even the dog cares, who lives in/at the shooting range.” (“Lőtéri kutyát nem érdekli.”) But it’s more like for situations where you want to express, that nobody cares.

My dick hurts (Bosnian, Serbian, Croatian)

There are more vulgar ones in Spain:

Me la suda (“la” refers to “la polla”): It makes my dick sweat

Me la pela: It peels my dick

Me importa una mierda: That matters a shit to me

Obviously, this last one is closer to “I don’t give a shit,” but it’s essentially the same sentiment.

Zero fucks given about this post. /s

One of the ways to say in Brazilian Portuguese: “estou cagando e andando”

Literally, “I am shitting and walking (simultaneously)”

n. I couldn’t give a flying fuck (English English)
n+1. Ah couldnae gi a flyin’ fuck (Scottish)

Greek Yeah I know of that phrase but it’s not really used. It’s as funny in Greek as it is in English.

Most common is “on my balls”, the short version of I am writing it/him/her on my balls. Implying that you care so little you have the name of it/him/her written on your balls. Yeah it does t make much sense.

The lighter version (you would see in subtitles for example) is “to me there is no nail being burned”. I don’t know where it comes from. Must be something to do with nails being left behind when you burn wooden structure.

Edit: oh I remembered another; “I shat myself”.

“My dick hurts” - various west Balkan languages.