If I farted 100 times more than I usually do, I’d basically be inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my ass.
Yeah I’d take 10 times maybe, but 100?? That’s an ass load of farts.
Literally
I’d consider from the other direction. If I constantly farted all day, and I had the option of concentrating 99% of those farts into once daily solid waste deposit, I’d be quite excited about the potential of my future social life.
A good regular solid deposit is one of those very important health things that everyone takes for granted till you cant.
Good choice.
Dude for real. I never understood what the deal was with constipation, like ok, you can’t poop, so don’t poop, what’s the problem, just wait for it. And then I hit the last month of my pregnancy and JFC alright. Alright, I get it now. At least I remember getting it for a short period of my life, and I have to constantly remind me of how unpleasant that was. Because I am blessed with the easiest bowel movements of them all. It takes me about as long to poop as it takes me to pee. The consistency is top notch. Not gonna lie, my poops are so nice I wish I could take a picture and put them on my CV as qualification.
But I won’t take them for granted anymore. It can change. And I have learned to bear compassion for others.
I wish I could take a picture and put them on my CV as qualification.
Do it!
Because I am blessed with the easiest bowel movements of them all
Lord, bless my bowel movements, make them easy and brief, yet complete.
I’m not sure if we’re talking about poop or finances here, but it’s true either way
GasX pretty much does this
Would you rather have one horse-sized poop or a hundred duck-sized farts?
Definitely duck-sized farts. That would probably feel amazing decompressing all that gas. And probably wouldn’t kill you like the horse-sized poop. Unless you asphyxiated I suppose…
I’m literally sitting here in my car, afraid to turn on the Uber app because I’ve been farting constantly all day and unable to poop.
Jesus christ
Oof good luck, constipation is no joke. I’ve been suffering because of it for years.
It’s only been today. My gut is telling me it’ll be fine by end of day.
Went to the store and just grabbed stuff off the hot bar by intuition. A big meatball, some steamed broccoli and bell peppers, roasted carrots and potatoes. All the gas stopped when I ate that stuff.
Most of my health issues these days last like half a day. I’ve gotten a lot better at trusting my body when it asks for a certain food.
No idea why that set of stuff ended the gas, but it did.
Are you using benefiber or something? You may need a docusate sodium gentle laxative too.
the issue with me is that I’ve used most laxatives and fibre supplements, nothing seems to work its just getting worse and worse. I’ve had a colonoscopy, and gastroscopy but nothing came out of it.
You are not immune to the chemical or biological effects of laxatives and fiber. As a test of your diet, please name 5 vegetables with high fiber content.
If you are legitimately doing all that you can, you should be eating a high fiber diet. So this test should be easy. I’m trying to help you, because I know someone who had the same issue. It’s mostly diet.
Lentils(all types), beans, avocado, and broccoli. I eat a combination of theses a day with a bit of protein on the side(fish, chicken and red meat).
Makes sense. If I had that issue, I’d try going vegetarian for a meal or two. Like eat a ton of high fiber legumes instead of meat. Oatmeal for breakfast (add chocolate), something with chickpeas for lunch, some meat etc. for dinner.
The rhyme goes:
Here I sit
Broken hearted
Tried to shit
But only farted
hmmm, nah
signed - a lactose intolerant person who likes to have some dairy sometimes
Aren’t lactase pills everywhere and really cheap?
They’re not fully effective for those of us who like really really intolerant of that delicious, forbidden lactose.
They’re not very effective and I’m not even very intolerant.
Well it’s people like you that make lactose intolerance a constant problem you can’t put up with it you have to say no I will not tolerate it the more we let it get by the more it’s going to push back against us this is how we got in the mess in the first place
Jk obv
Yes, but they’re not heat stable, so you have to specifically remember to bring some with you and can’t just leave them in a hot car. They also don’t work with everything. Something like pizza, where the lactose is trapped inside the cheese, still causes problems even with lactase pills.
I’m also lactase pill intolerant
i usually avoid dairy but sometimes i just have the craving to have a cheesy pizza, or a big cappuciono, i have yet to remember to buy those whenever that happens, i rarely go over board to start having stomach cramps so usually i just feel weak and fart a lot for the rest of the day
I have a friend who is obsessed with cheese and is highly lactose intolerant. He eats lactase pills like tic tacs and has about three packs on him at all times.
Isn’t plant milk everywhere now?
Cheese though.
There is also plant cheese.
Yeah if you’re cooking for yourself. But most restaurants aren’t using vegan cheese yet.
it’s not the same :(
whenever i drink milk it’s always full fat milk, it’s the milkiest. No plant milk can compare with the fullness of its taste
Plant milk doesn’t normally have the same level of fullness (in technical terms, it doesn’t have such a pronounced body), and also introduces alternate taste, so it’s not good for everything, unfortunately.
Some of the oat milk does have a more pronounced body in my experience, but such oat milk normally has intense oatmeal taste. Coconut milk is on the other extreme, it is commonly very empty, but also introduces little taste of its own.
Thanks for your experiment
You can tell it was a kid because he said “then normal”. Kids are fucking stupid.
So you fart 100 times and then fart the normal amount
Is it that I would just fart 100 times when I wake up and then fart normal the rest of the day? If I knew when the 100 farts were coming or if I could plan them out to happen at once, then I might take that deal. I poop a lot at times. Mainly the morning.
Maybe instead of pooping the poop juat transforms into 100 farts when it reaches the end of your digestive tract. So you go to the toilet and instead of dumping a log you just fart for 5 minutes straight.
That would be dope. I’d take that deal.
Same. No more wiping my ass
I have IBS. 100x more farts would basically turn me into a leaf blower, but the idea of not needing to poop again would be heaven.
Collaborate.
Hey I have a version of this. Instead of pooping I can’t burp so I bust ass 10x more than the average person.
Fuck no, I love pooping. What do you think allows me to comment now?
Pooping is one of life’s simple pleasures.
Sounds like what my almost 30 yo friends would say before an exceedingly serious conversation
So basically we need to figure out the functional shit:fart value so we can convert any number.
Whitepeoplemastodon
So if you could aerosolize your poop, would you? Hmm. I think I’d accept only if I could toggle it on and off.
